Before having children I would watch my friends with children and noticed what I would do the same or differently when I would be a mother. And I suppose we do that first with ourselves and our own upbringing. We watch our parents and decide, consciously or subconsciously, what we would pass on to your children and what you would leave behind. I’ve been a mother for 5 months now and I can say for sure that some of the ideas and plans I had before becoming a mother went out of the window pretty soon due to impracticability. Thinking what parenthood is like is very different to the reality.
Theodore was born 4 weeks early and thankfully everything went well with both of us. When we came home from the hospital I realized very soon was that I had no idea what I was doing. I had the “nappy change, feed” routine I learned at the hospital, but so many other things were coming up that I didn’t know how to handle them. One example is nappy cream. I didn’t start using it straight away, as the hospital didn’t mention it and it wasn’t on the top of my priority list of things to remember at the time. Theo’s skin was so thin, like all newborns, that he became sore very quickly after getting home and it almost brought me to tears when I saw a spot of blood on his bum caused by rubbing. The fact that we were in lockdown, and had been for most of my pregnancy, didn’t help as I didn’t have the chance to build friendships with other pregnant women and discuss things like this now.
Through all the new and challenging experiences that were coming up, I realized that they will all pass. His skin will heal, he will grow bigger, but the one thing that remains is the impressions and imprints he forms at this age. My rule of thumb became “If in doubt, love him”. So many times I doubt if I’m doing the right thing. When he wakes up at night do I go straight to him and comfort him, as a sign of love, or do I leave him to self soothe, so he can grow independent, which is also a sign of love or am I just overthinking it. My strengths is not to care for him physically, but I thank my lucky starts for the Emotional Intelligence training I received to be able to take care of him emotionally and help him grow into a stable, strong boy and when the time comes, a strong man.
So if I’ve learned anything these past months is this:
- If in doubt, love him. Whatever decision I take, if it turns out not to be the best, it’s ok as I know I’m trying my best and if that falls what will be remembered is the cuddles, kisses and telling him I love him.
- I encourage him to do new things and offer loads of praise when trying regardless of the outcome. I wondered if he actually understood the praise I was giving him or he thought I was a strange human who always smiles as she talks to him. One day after he stood up more than his usual few seconds and I was encouraging him, he looked at me and I could just see the question on his face: “I did well?” and I said “Yes honey, you did well, well done.” He then smiled again and continued playing.
- I strongly believe that at this young age a lot of the communication is energetic and positive or negative energetic imprints are laid in a child’s energetic field which will shape him as a human being later on. I have learned to relax though, because if he goes through an undesired experience, such as an operation, or he seems to struggle with something, he can always “clean this up” with some energy medicine such as Breath Work. Children are excellent breathers and so is Theodore. The first time I felt him move was during a Breath Work when I was 8 weeks pregnant. For any woman that went thought pregnancy will know it’s almost unheard of for a child to be felt so soon, but that’s the power of Breath Work. It gives you space to stretch and take a breath on a mental, emotional and spiritual level.
So in summary, if you have no idea what you are doing welcome to the club. Love, attention and encouragement are the most important things you can give your child that you can’t buy. And if you feel you or your child need to process a difficult experience, this includes child birth, consider Breath4LifeTM Breath Work.